I (24F) have not spoken to my dad in three years. Without getting too deep into it, he was emotionally abusive to my mom for most of their marriage and when she finally left he made the divorce as ugly as possible. Drained her financially, told lies to extended family, the whole thing. I watched my mom fall apart during that period and I made a decision to cut contact. It wasn’t impulsive, I thought about it for a long time.
My sister “Bree” (21F) made a different choice and that’s fine. I never pressured her either way. She maintained a relationship with him and I genuinely never gave her grief about it. We stayed close throughout all of it which I’m proud of because it could have easily gone the other way.
Bree graduates next month. I was excited, I already requested the day off work, we had dinner plans after with mom and a few family friends.
Last week she casually mentioned that dad would be there. I asked if she meant at a separate dinner or something and she said no, the full day. Ceremony, lunch, dinner, everything.
I told her I couldn’t come if he was going to be there. Not in a dramatic way, I just told her calmly that I wasn’t in a place where I could be around him and I didn’t want to make her graduation about any kind of tension between us.
She got really upset and said I was forcing her to choose and making her special day about my issues with dad. My mom is staying out of it completely which I respect. But Bree has been short with me ever since and my aunt called me to say I was being selfish.
I understand it’s her day. I really do. But I also can’t just shelve three years of a boundary I set for myself for one afternoon.
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